Caregiving Help Library
How to Convince an Obstinate Elder to Stop Driving
Continued
I had Ariana talk to the supervisor at the DMV. If by some fluke Mr. Magoo passed the eye test, they'd make him take the written test, too. She had it all lined up and they were ready to walk out the door when suddenly he had a change of heart. "Aww, never mind, you just take us wherever we want to go, Ariana. I don't really feel like driving anymore." And the moral of the story is: you don't have to be the bad guy if you know what to do. If the situation is critical, however, you need to act immediately. Have a trusted doctor check your parent's eyes and reflexes. If your parent shouldn't be driving anymore, confidentially ask the physician for a letter to take to the Department of Motor Vehicles. Also call and explain the situation to a supervisor at the DMV. Then, tell your loved one that someone must have reported him or her as driving erratically because the DMV now needs to conduct a "routine" eye exam. If the DMV ends up taking away the license, you get to be the good guy, saying how sorry you are that this has happened, while assuring him or her of your continued support. This way, you're not the horrible person who took away your parent's last pleasure in life. Arrange for alternative transportation (inexpensive transportation specifically for seniors is available in many areas) so that your parent doesn't feel trapped at home. Take away the car keys, but if you fear that he or she may still try to drive, put "The Club" on the steering wheel. Since just keeping the keys may give your parent a feeling of security, you might also consider putting a notch in them so that they won't work. Explain to your parent that if you sell the car, the money saved on insurance and maintenance can be used toward his or her transportation needs.
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